Together Forever

When I picture forever being with my man, I see us standing next to each other, holding hands and so in love. We are strong in the face of whatever comes. We are in this together, like a team of horses pulling the same carriage.

And that's sometimes what being together forever looks like. But it is also a bunch of other rubbish that falls between the cracks, things that I don't want to picture at all. Things that make me feel lonely and displaced from the romantic image in my head.



Awhile back, my husband left for a weekend, and later for almost a full week, doing training for work. No big deal, right? I'm generally introverted; alone time doesn't scare me. And it was nice not to have to talk to anyone all day. I loved not having to make dinner if I didn't want to. Each day could be filled with my heart's desires (except for the fact that baby Roxy was generally running the show). Not a bad deal.

Friends, that week sucked.

In spite of the freeing feeling of going solo, I spent much of that time exhausted (teething baby) and focusing on the fact that I was alone. I let a lot of negative emotions fill me up. I wanted things to be different. I didn't want to be stuck at home, killing mud wasps in our kitchen and taking out the stinky trash. I didn't want to be the only one listening to my baby's cries, seeing her tears, rubbing my finger back and forth across her sore gums for hours,

It all felt pointless. If the other half of my marriage wasn't physically present, why should I have to show up each day? Why shouldn't I revert to my teenage self and stuff my face with chocolate, stay in my pjs, watch Netflix, slouch around?

This isn't how marriage is supposed to be, I thought. We're supposed to be in this together.

I felt incredibly alone. Isn't marriage supposed to "fix" that feeling forever?

And then it hit me: we were in this together, and that's exactly why I had to keep doing the best possible job I could do, even if my husband wasn't there to see it. Because faithfulness means always and unchangeably being on the other person's side - even when you can't be by their side. 

Together sometimes means working towards the same goals separately. Counting on the other person to do things that we can't do ourselves. Knowing that the other one can handle what's going on when we can't physically be there to help.

Forever is nights spent apart. It is listening and forgiving even when you don't understand at all. Sweeping up crumbs and cleaning up messes. Walking hand-in-hand at sunset. Making dinner every single night. Watching dreams take shape...or not form at all. Cuddling in the dark. Forever is the rice and beans in our pantry and the off-brand t-shirts on our backs. It is mice caught in traps and spiders smashed with a shoe and tears dripping onto our Bibles. Taking up the slack. Cheering from the sidelines.

Forever is the entirety of life all rolled up into one massive stick of dynamite placed right between husband and wife. Waiting for something to set it off.

Sometimes, something does set off that stick of dynamite. Maybe the dog puked on the carpet or the baby is screaming or your husband just lost his job. And instead of holding hands even tighter, we start to pull apart. We let the explosion drive us away from one another.

We feel alone.

I have some shocking news for you: Satan wants you and me to feel alone. In our marriages, in our motherhood, in our jobs, in our dreams. Marriage doesn't fix our aloneness; God does.

"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say:

'The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?' " 

(Hebrews 13:5-6)
Life is tough whether you are married or not. But when you're in a marriage, the tough things get shared. This can either make everything worse (suddenly you have two people's troubles to deal with!), or so much better (you get to help each other figure out how to bear the load).

Every single thing in my life is now a part of my marriage. Nothing can be separated from it. It's a scary type of vulnerability...one that calls me to an even deeper vulnerability, an even more certain forever, with God.

14 comments:

  1. Nice post. I've spent many weeks apart from my husband for his job. I always look forward to alone time, but once he's gone I miss him and look forward to him coming home. I like how you say that even though you're apart, you're still working together for the same goal. That's important to remember.

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    1. So many women are apart from their husbands a lot, and I cannot imagine the extra difficulties that come with that. It's so good that you are able to find joy in both being together and apart.

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  2. Love this post and the truth in it. Marriage can be very lonely at times, but I love the way you define faithfulness and the part of it that involves sacrifice and service. Such good thoughts here!

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    1. Thank you! I'm still uber new to this marriage thing, but God is showing up in my marriage and it's teaching me so many important lessons.

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  3. I really love this post. What you wrote about Satan wanting us to feel alone in everything really spoke to me, it's so true. And everything is a part of your marriage, you're right that you can't separate it out. I wish more people in the world would realize that.

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    1. Exactly. Once Satan is able to separate us into loneliness, his job gets ten times easier. Living fully loved is powerful.

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  4. This is an awesome post! I totally agree about Satan wanting us to feel alone. And yes, marriage isn't all roses and sunshine, but honestly, I'd rather have someone I love and who supports me through the hard things than no problems all the time.

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    1. Absolutely. Life would be boring without the problems anyway, right? ;)

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  5. Wow, totally needed to hear this. 😊 Even after being married for 5 years it's hard but as you said God is there and will not leave us.

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    1. I think marriage is always going to be tough in certain ways, no matter how many years it's been ;) God has to be our foundation. Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. I needed to read that. Thank you so much for posting!!! Celebrating one year of marriage on May 14 ^_^

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    1. ah so exciting! congrats! one year for me was like the first sense of, "Wow, we are actually married." haha.

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