Third Trimester Cravings: Puppies

The other night I made a huge, colossal mistake. And I paid the price for it. My husband got some of the backwash from it.

I allowed myself to look at puppies online. 

I don't mean cute, fluffy, edited photos that are plastered all over Pinterest and elicit the "awws." I mean I looked up puppies that were free. Or for sale. In my area. 

Why was this such a gargantuan mistake? Because we can't have a puppy, or a dog of any kind, in our current state. Our apartment is teeny (563 sq. ft.), for starters, and we happen to live on the third floor. This means we'd have to take a stairs hike every time the pup had to go outside, and stairs are something that #tiredlittlepregnantgirl in the third trimester can barely handle once or twice a day. Besides that, there's the whole financial part of it. And then there's the fact that in a little over a month we are going to have a tiny baby to deal with. Changing diapers while simultaneously potty training a puppy might be a tad too much. Even if I think I can totally handle that.  

These are the reasons that have kept me at a firm shaky no when it comes to the dog scenario.

Despite this line of facts, I became deeply depressed that I could not have a puppy. I feel like I'm losing my mind just getting fatter and fatter until the baby comes out; a puppy would be the perfect thing to distract me, okay?!

Finally, exhausted with arguing with myself, I shut it all down. And then I cried. Because I couldn't have a puppy. You know those pregnancy food cravings you get at midnight that you just have to have? Yeah. This is like that. I'm "craving" a puppy. The more I tell myself I can't have one, the more I want one.

This is only about the fifth time during this pregnancy that I've lost it because I can't have a puppy. I mean I have sobbed over this.

I blew my nose into one of our cardboard-like tissues (because I'm too cheap to buy name brand) and I took some steadying breaths while trying not to picture puppies in my head.

Those big, emotional eyes, that soft fur, those clumsy little legs...all I could see in my head is having a cuddle buddy. Someone to go on walks with. Someone to talk to other than my round belly when I'm home all day. I just want to love a little furball and have them love me back. And if I asked my husband, I know without a doubt that he would get me a puppy and be overjoyed to have a dog in his life again...

...the reality is that it would love my husband more than me, and I'd end up feeling left out while dealing with training it (my husby is a wonderful person, but he is not the best at saying no to animals with adorable faces). Which means that we'd end up with a poorly trained dog rampaging in our cramped apartment with a screaming baby and a very irascible me.

I can know all this, but it doesn't matter. It's like cheese and drive-in movie theaters and steak - a flitting desire that decides to lodge itself in my subconscious and won't let go. We could do it. We could do the impetuous thing (wouldn't be the first time) and get a puppy and deal with the consequences that follow. Yet all the aforementioned reasons will not allow me to plunge forward in this pursuit.

Someone please tell me about their emotional breakdowns while pregnant...their irrational desires...their intense cravings that refuse to go away...I simply do not know how to deal with this puppy thing in my head! 

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